Just hire me!

If...
• Kirk Ferentz -- Here's a scenario I'm hearing from a league source: If Browns general manager Phil Savage manages to keep his job, which is far from a certainty, he'll go hard after Ferentz as Crennel's replacement. After 10 years as Iowa's head coach, Ferentz might finally consider the time is right for a return to the NFL. The Hawkeyes rebounded this year to 8-4 and knocked off undefeated Penn State in November. – SI

Then...
Savage should be canned immediately before he gets Frentz’ name out of his mouth.
Ferentz would be way down on the list of possible replacements. How far, you ask?

1. Cowher
2. Andy Reid
3. Jim Schwartz (just cuz’ you love the ‘may the Schwartz be with us’)
4. Rex Ryan (though I don’t think Savage would need to go anywhere to land him)
5. Steve Spagnuolo
6. Jason Garett
7. Pete Carroll (would never leave the warm weather of California, but had to mention him)
8. Jim Tressel
9. Kirk Ferentz
10. Me

So basically, I’d hire him before hiring myself. That’s not saying much. At least with me, we’d get:

• More entertaining press conferences with quotes like “he played like he had a corn-cob shoved up his a$$” or “my 80 year-old nanny moves quicker on her way to the bathroom every morning.”
• A 10 push up policy for every dropped ball. That means you Braylon
• 11 Josh Cribbs on offense, finally realizing a dream of having 11 QBs on the field at once. Cribbs drops back, throws to Randle El 12 yards down field. Oh my! Randle El runs the option with Troy Smith who gets another 15 yards before pitching to Robinson (you know the QB from Penn St.) who sprints untouched for the score. Wow! What an offense!
• After reading the above, 8 turnovers a game, but hey, it’ll be exciting!
• UFO defense? Ha! We’d run the blitz like nobody’s business defense. No more than 4 in coverage at any time.
• Immediate offensive snap every time the defense subs players, resulting in 5 yard penalties for too many men on defense.

Based on all this, I’d say Savage should leave his buddy in Iowa.